Thank you so, so much for reading my blog this far.
I’ve been wondering if I should even continue with this. Some people found out about it in my real life and they weren’t very nice about it. I never meant to offend people, I was just telling my story.
I guess this is when I figure out if I want to live my life for myself or for others.
My grandma used to say that “At one point a woman has to figure out if she wants to be a housewife or make a difference.”
I say I don’t have the pressure to get married she had at the time, but I think now I have to figure out if I’m going to become the best me I can be, or conform to society. I choose to be me.
I have so many plans for this blog and I want to talk about everything in the LGBTQ+ community: from love and relationships to news and entertainment. I don’t want to give that up, I still have so much to say and this past few posts have just been about me introducing myself. I wanted to get to know you and for you to get to know me.
I just want to be happy. As a matter of fact, I choose to be happy.
In honor of that, I’ve come up with 11 things I promise myself to be the happiest me I can be.
I keep this list on a pin board above my desk so I never, ever forget them (sorry for the terrible handwriting):
Let’s look at them one by one yeah?
If I have thoughts of suicide, I will seek help. Professional help.
One of the greatest dangers of depression and anxiety is that they make us feel like we are being absurd, that we are alone, that nobody will understand. This is far from the truth and will definitely become the thing that ends up killing us (really not trying to be dramatic here).
I will take the bad days with strength and know that they won’t last forever.
Bad days are bound to come. I’m not trying to be
super pessimistic here, but it’s reality isn’t it?
We have to get to know ourselves and our triggers, as well as the things that pull us out of those negative thoughts, so that when the storm hits, we know exactly how to get back up and protect ourselves from the rain.
If a relationship is toxic, I will let it go.
I can’t love someone if I don’t love myself first or if they don’t love themselves either.
I want to talk about toxic relationships farther down the line, but for now, let’s just say that those relationships are the ones that leave you exhausted. The bottom line is, if a relationship doesn’t inspire you to become the best you, you can be, it’s not in your best interest.
I encourage you to find someone with a healthy attitude towards love, find someone willing to love you as much as they love themselves and go love them equally. You’ll notice the difference in an instant.
Those other relationships? They make great novels, but do you really want to live in that constant state of exhaustion your entire life?
I don’t. I’m tired of it.
I will love being on my own.
I’m the kind of person who loves being alone in private, but refuses to be alone in public.
I’ve missed great movies because my friends couldn’t make it, I missed a fantastic conference because the people I work with were too busy to go, and this is the worst one, I fucking missed a fucking dinner I’d fucking won of all you can fucking eat fucking Buffalo Wings, because my sister was too tired to go with me.
I swear to you, I will never again go without Buffalo Wings because I don’t want to eat them alone. Fuck no. Not anymore baby. THEY WERE FREE… It still hurts.
It’s great to have friends, it’s great to go out with them, but it’s not healthy to go without doing the things you want to do out of fear of loneliness.
This brings me to my other point:
I had made a plan for myself: have a family of my own before I turned 30.
There’s nothing wrong with that, I think. Except for the fact that if i’m afraid of being alone by that time, then when 29 comes along, if I haven’t met the right person, i’m just gonna go for the one I think is the safest, which isn’t always true love, or healthy love at least.
So many people get divorced because they went for someone who wasn’t right for them, could this have been out of fear of being alone? I won’t do that to myself.
I will understand that depression and anxiety are illnesses and I have to treat them as such.
Get help. Do it fast.
Leaving anxiety or depression untreated is kind of like starting out with a fever, not treating it, then when it progresses to stomach ache you taking a few pills without a prescription, and when you finally go to the doctor and he tells you that you need surgery, you choosing not to.
Depression and Anxiety kill. It’s not something you can shake off.
There is no shame in seeking help.
I will therefore seek help whenever I need it (That does not mean i’m weak or broken).
I will not tolerate bullying. I will always treat people with kindness.
I think this is something I try to do anyways, as i’m sure we all do, but I lost a friend to bullying, so this always makes it to my list and I always make a point to speak out if I see someone being treated unkindly.
Hate always produces more hate. Love defeats that.
I will express my feelings.
No more hiding them.
Feelings are normal, they are what makes us human and therefore nobody should tell us that feeling a certain way is wrong or that we shouldn’t feel the way we do.
There are so many ways to express them: writing letters or texts, drawing, painting, dancing, singing, playing music, just get them out there.
I will exercise every day. I will make time for my hobbies.
This is always a must. We aren’t machines, but we have to give our body and our minds fuel to go on with our days. Whatever our hobby is, make time for it. ALWAYS.
I will make time to be with my friends and family.
Since we aren’t machines, emotional connections are essential to our well being.
I tend to run away to be on my own when I’m feeling down, which is why I tend to make things in my head bigger than they are. I drown myself in a glass of water.
When we talk to others about our problems, we gain perspective, something I desperately need when my mind is going a million miles a second.
I will get scared, I will get sad, I will get angry. I will also know that those feelings are normal and not bad. They will help me grow.
Every feeling is valid. Every feeling will help me become smarter, stronger, kinder and more loving. There is such a large range of emotions, it’s be a shame to limit myself to just a few wouldn’t it?
As much as I will feel sadness or frustration, I will also feel happiness and love and all the others. There are no good or bad feelings, just ones that help us grow and become more aware and assertive.
No more darkness
From now on, I’ll still write about my life and tell stories, but I want to stop thinking so much about my past and move towards my future.
I will post more positive content now.
Again, thank you so, so much for being here.
I hope you’re inspired to take that pledge yourselves and move forward from whatever may be causing you turmoil.
Add to the list in the comments, i’m always looking to better it.
All the love,
(Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest and Tumblr: andadenimjacket.
WARNING: If you follow me on Spotify, be prepared for all the old boy band music.)