Just Begin

Name: Charlie (not really)

Sex: Female

Age: 25

Current state: Crisis.

Professional runner away-er. (Also psychologist, but that’s not as important as the running away part.)es-area

I like to say I live in the moment, but nah, I live in El Salvador, Central America.

I love my country.

I love the beaches and the mountains, I love the hard working people and how everyone has compassion for each other, how we help one another through the hard times. It is absolute paradise.

There’s a problem though: I like girls.

That is always hard to come to terms with, but my reality is that I can’t tell my family, my friends or anyone. At least that’s what it feels like. Maybe it’s not just about the country, maybe it’s just the environment I live in: a very religious one.

Really though, most people here are extremely religious. There’s no other way for us when so much is left to chance or luck or in our terms, in the hands of God.

In summary, the LGBTQ+ community faces a lot of struggles, so many, that to the naked eye, it’s non-existent. Though I see parades or people talking about it on television, it is very frowned upon and not at all accepted. At least not by the people I know.

I was going to create an actual website. I wanted it to be cool and informative. It’s probably a reach, but I wanted it to be a place where people could go to find a family when they felt alone in real life.

I planned and planned, I have a bedroom wall full of goals, inspiration and ideas for posts, but I never got to actually sit down and write.

Then today happened; I had a very bad depressive episode and I swear it’s going to be my last. To help, I started writing what’s been going on.

So here I am, despite the recommendation of every blog I read on how to build a website and make money blogging, on a free wordpress.com, barely put together blog, with a name I made up 5 minutes ago, because I couldn’t wait 7 days until the end of the month to get payed and buy a proper domain.

I needed to talk to someone, and everyone around me looks down on the LGBTQ+ community, so I come to you, the more accepting people of the internet, as Charlie: a girl desperate to tell her story.

Charlie is not my real name, but I thought that if I was going to be 100% honest, then I couldn’t be worried about what other people might think of me. I chose to wear a mask. What’s one more when we all wear so many every day?

It’s going to be a long night, so get ready to read my story as I spiral out of my freaking mind.

Thank you in advance for reading (hopefully).

Please comment, contact me and lets just talk.

All the love,

Charlie.

3 thoughts on “Just Begin

  1. Shine Brightly says:

    At the end of the day, as beautiful as it can be, sometimes life, love and sexuality are a struggle and that’s OK. Life isn’t always about the grand gesture, sometimes its about making it through the day, or the hour or the moment. I’ve grown a lot over the past year and a half and one thing that I believe to be true, is that sometimes we just need to sit and feel the feelings, without judgement and without fear, because its almost impossible to figure out the next step when we haven’t even taken the last one. Stay strong and feel the feelings.

    Liked by 1 person

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